caden

letter 7

dear caden,

mom asked about you today. she wanted to know why she hasn't seen a lot of you lately. i told her i wish i knew, but dammit caden, i do know.

i know that you poured your concern in serene whispers into 15 voicemails after i hung up the phone, and i know that i was too busy drowning in the waves of what we used to be to bother answering.

i know that you promised me all of saturn's rings just like you did when my favorite hula hoop broke in our 8th year, and i know that i was too deeply emerged in the black whole that was our time apart to appreciate your offer.

god dammit caden i know that you waited for me in your tree house with your pinky ready for mine, and that i was too busy remembering the constellations you pointed out the first night our fingers linked to make an appearance.

fuck caden, i do know why you and i are no longer us. and i can't compare the pain i feel to any fucking astronomical phenomenon because its not even remotely pretty. i know its my fault caden, i really do. i just figured the longer i could blame you, the longer i could live with myself for pushing away my big dipper.

dammit caden you were more beautiful than any pattern the stars could form, and i let you go.

caden i've been dreading this realization since i first knocked over your lego tower when we were 4 years old and you apologized for building it in my way. you are a galaxy of wonderful, incredibly gorgeous stars, and i'm just- i'm a stone among the millions on earth's unspectacular surface.

yours (i'm fucking sorry),
piper

hi hello it's been forever but i hope you're still reading, sorry if this is a little rough i'm trying to ease back into this story, i have a rough idea of where i want this to go now, and i'm really excited, i hope you are too :)

all the love
lex