The Way Back

Chapter 7

Mary sat at Francis's side for quite sometime, even after Catherine had left. Half the castle buzzed around him. They didn't talk. Mary was afraid to speak to him. Afraid of what he might say. He had every right to hate her, but she didn't know if she could handle hearing it. She just wanted to see him while she still could. She still wasn't sure if she wanted to live...and even if she did...would she be staying at the castle? After everything that had happened, could they bare being near each other? Right now, she was just content to see him awake, even though he wasn't out of the woods yet. After some time, the physician started making everyone leave the room so that he could rest.

She walked back to her room like a zombie. When she got there she changed it her nightgown and sat on her bed. It was too quiet. She was alone again...until Catherine walked in.

"I suppose you're here to make sure I hadn't tried to kill myself again. Why do you even care? You'd think you'd be glad to be rid of me." Mary said quietly, laying down on the bed.

Catherine hated that she had to ask that question.

"Maybe because part of all this mess is my fault too." She said as she came closer.

"Your fault? How could any of this be your fault. This all started because I didn't listen to you." She asked.

"That may be true, but why didn't you listen to me...because you didn't trust me...and that...is my fault." She explained.

"Catherine no..."

"Because of the way I treated you, the things I did. How could you trust me? And that night...I promised you...I said that I would help you through it...but I was too busy chasing ghosts." She said lifting her face up by her chin.

"You can't blame yourself for that...you were being poisoned...I am the only one to blame." Mary thought for a moment. "The truth is, I never thought I'd be able to be near him again. I couldn't imagine putting him through that forever. It wasn't fair. So I thought if I pushed him away, hurt him badly enough, he would finally stop trying and find another way to be happy...but I just made it all worse. I don't deserve to be here, and even if I did, my existence puts everyone in danger." Catherine sat next to her on the bed.

"If anyone understands what it's like to think you're helping and wind up making everything worse, it's me...you asked me earlier where I'd been all day...Bash came to me this morning and informed me that he had been a village yesterday where he came across a girl about to be burned at the stake for being a witch. As it turns out, it was Clarissa."

"Clarissa? But...she..."

"I ordered him to kill her, so the prophecy would be fulfilled and Francis would live. He refused. So I spent the day trying to decide whether or not I should kill my own daughter. The only reason I didn't was because I decided I probably wouldn't be able to find her. Not because I wouldn't have if I could." A tear fell, but she quickly wiped it away.

"But you didn't, and Francis is alive anyway...we can still..." she started. Catherine began shaking her head.

"Bash returned to her, telling her he wanted to send her away somewhere where she'd be safe from me. When she found out why...she took her own life...to save her brother. She wanted to make amends for all the things she'd done. Her last words were that she forgave me, but I don't know if that makes it better or worse."

"Catherine, I'm so sorry...but why are you telling me this?"

"Because I need you to understand that I have already lost one daughter today...I don't want to lose another."

Mary started crying. Catherine wiped away some of her tears.

"I know I didn't keep my promise before, but will keep it now, I will do everything in my power to help you find your way back. All you have to do is promise me you'll try." She looked Mary in the eyes, holding her hands. "Promise me." Mary nodded, crying even harder. Catherine laid down next to her and pulled her in.

"What are you doing?" Mary asked.

"Do you remember when you were young, that time you snuck into my room in middle of the night because you were afraid there were monsters under your bed?" She said.

"I thought you'd be furious with me, but you weren't. You let me stay all night. I felt safe with you. I knew you'd protect me from the monsters."

"This is the same thing, only this time the monsters are in your head...you were forced to grow up too quickly, perhaps you just need to be young for awhile, even if it is just for one night."

"I didn't understand your caring that night and I still don't. I don't deserve it."

"I didn't deserve yours either." She explained, remembering the way Mary used to look up to her and respect her. In a way even her own children never did. She was probably the only person who ever cared about her just because of her, not because she was supposed to. The only one who didn't think of her as 'The Italian Woman' or 'The Black Queen' as many liked to call her. She truly just enjoyed her company and in turn Catherine had learned to enjoy hers. What had happened to them? Mary put her head on Catherine's shoulder and they both drifted off to sleep, wiped out by the emotional day.