Last of Togethers

Last of Togethers - by Matt Mesnard

I really want us all to stay together, but something inside me says things are going to stay wrong and not get fixed. I hoped they were going to at least try to fix things, but it looks like they won't.

Lately I don't get listened to. When they give me attention, it's because of doing something wrong. I'm here because of them and I probably do get other attention, but maybe I'm complaining because things aren't going back to how it was before.

Food could be a problem. They argued about it, but not the yelling kind. He gets what he wants but says what she gets for me costs too much. She says it's more money but better for me, and I won't be sick a lot and live longer. All those things make it the best deal, but he doesn't agree. I think it tastes better than when he ends up buying food for me.

If I try looking in the room,, I'll get in trouble now for pushing the door open. They'll say to go away then shut the door so I can't get back in. It's always when they're talking. Sometimes one of them later has me come over and sit, or someone sneaks me extra food of something I like. When it's later on and one of them does something nice like that, I try to forget about what happened before.

We used to all go out and do things like a real family. They would be happy when someone came up and talked to all of us. What's funny was if someone asked about me, because both of them would start talking at the same time. It would make me embarrassed, but then later I'd feel really happy since I knew they loved me.

Both of them in the room at the same time gives me a weird feeling now. Sometimes I can feel it and I'm not even in there. Once I woke up because I had the feeling, and snuck out to see. They were both in the kitchen, and not even talking. I didn't like being right when I found out though. That feeling makes me feel sad because I like them and me all together.

Another thing they've been doing is adding something negative after the other says something. It's not fighting, but more like complaining. Like when I try to see what she brought home from the store. She'll say something new she bought, then he says something not nice about it. He used to agree and not say things afterwards. She says negative things too now.

It was easier to know they loved me before. We would do everything together, not taking turns. Now it's him or her I'm with instead of us all. They also talk about me more than saying something to me. When I hear my name now, it's not them looking for me. They talked about anything when all of us were in the same room before. Now I try to stay away. It's better than being told to go, and I hear less yelling that way too.

Some at the park ask how I'm doing. They didn't do it before. Maybe they noticed. because of their own experience. They had two people take them all the time too, but not anymore. Just one or the other now, like it is for me. For one of my friends, only one person brings him if he comes at all.

Riding in the car is a bad thing for me, even if it's to go to the park. Nobody says where we're going, and I have to get in to find out. It's usually a good trip, but the bad ones make me worry about every trip. They only tell me when we're going home, and not until I'm back inside. Riding home would be a more fun time in the car, but I'm too tired by then and fall asleep. The trips have been less and no bad ones, but I know it will happen.

They were talking and didn't know I could hear them. It was about who different things belonged to. They used to share better, and knew who was supposed to play with what. I was the one they had to tell not to take things.

Now there are boxes too. Most of them closed. Things are written on them, but I don't know what it says. I don't peek, because I think they'll know. Sometimes they are good at knowing when I'm looking at things I'm not supposed to. Both of them put things inside, but not at the same time. When nobody is around, I go up to the boxes. They smell like his things, but I can't be sure. Some boxes smell like her things too. I don't like boxes, because whenever I see them it means something's going away. I don't want anyone going away. I like both of them.

When we go out, he lets me have more fun. He lets me get sticks and things like that. She does things better for me, even if it's kind of boring. Sometimes she lets me pick sticks up too, but not keep them. I can't take them home, but it's ok with him though. Sometimes he will even get me something when we're out, then says not to tell her. Not like she'd understand even if I did tell on him. He's not the one saying he's doing things for my own good or that something's for the best.

I can feel one of them is going away, but I don't know who it will be. That also means I don't know what's going to happen with me. He likes me a lot and she does too, but they do different things to show me. It's only the same when we're all together. If he's gone, will he come over? If I go with him, will he do things for the best like she does? And what's going to happen if she leaves?

Different places is a bad idea because of the car. I hate surprises because they aren't always good ones. I try to tell them, but it doesn't work. They just tell me to be good or behave. If I try to pull away, they say the same things but only angrier. If it's something bad or I don't like it, lately I try to do it anyway. It's better since I don't have to hear yelling or see them mad.

A lot of things are confusing now. I get upset too, but I try not to let anyone know. I see them doing things I don't like or can't figure out. When I think too much about all of it, I'll get really tired sometimes. Then I'll look for a room nobody's in and go lay down. Talking about all of this is making me tired right now. I want a drink, but they might see me if I go check for my water. They are talking again. I think it's about stuff to put in boxes.

Maybe I can lay down in their bed. It's where I like to go a lot when I wish things were like they used to be. They don't spend time together with me now like before, but the sheets still smell like it's both of them together. When I close my eyes, I can remember how things were. All of us being loving and in the same room.