A Date in the Life

What's My Fucking Name?

I don't think I'm a grammar nazi.  In fact, I know I'm not.  I am the queen of run on sentences and I thank mother fucking god often for the little dot and comma thingie we know as the semi colon which allows my sentences to roll on through a few stop signs.  (Please note the aforementioned run on sentence, I swear it wasn't on purpose.)

I know a woman that deleted her Tinder from her phone just because of the "your cute," type of poor grammar.  I'm not that bad.  I like to make excuses for those people because I'm nice like that.

First of all, they're calling me cute, that's a good thing, despite them not knowing what contractions are.

Second of all, what if they were voice texting, to be safe while driving?  No harm in that and anyways how is Siri supposed to know they meant "you're" and not "your?"

It's always better to give the benefit of the doubt.  I mean except when we're talking about STD's.  Then just presume everyone is lying and should all be sheathed. 

I'm not writing anyone off for not capitalizing, not periodizing, or for making up words to get their point across.  (See what I just did there?)

Don't write me off folks, I write like I talk and I've been told more than once my writing is a tad colloquial.  So be it.  That's my style, and in my third year of college when my prof called my paper brilliant except for the said colloquialismishness I still took it as a compliment.  At least people will understand me right?  Is that an A to the men?  (Is this where I tell you my first degree is in Biblical studies?)

Anyways were getting off track.  (Write me off yet?)

So, grammar in my first encounters with men in text online is not going to force me to blow up my phone, and lay my dating life down; but to be honest, intelligence matters, throw me too many misspelled words, I may start to get put off, especially in lieu of the friendly (or not so friendly) autocorrect.  The back space button people!!! It's easy enough to use!!! I'm not asking for King James language here, just show me you care enough to correct even half of your typos.

So, now that you know I'll give you a break if you're texting me grammar/typo errors on those first few interactions, let me tell you something that really eats my bonnet.

On Tinder, when you message your match their name resides at the very top of your phone throughout the conversation.  So it's not like during sex and it's dark and you yell out the wrong name.  You basically have a flashing beacon at the top of your phone constantly reminding you WHO you are talking to.

Granted, my name is not the most straightforward, but it doesn't have any silent g's or k's in it.  It's Jacquie.  Yeah yeah, the Q has thrown everyone off since my Kindergarten days, but even my teachers eventually started spelling my name right in grade school.

Texting, "hey Jackie," let's face it, is just going to rub me the wrong way; and no THAT wasn't a sexual innuendo.

When you say my name out loud, yes, they will sound exactly the same unless you have German accent, then you will just spit a lot when you say it and scare the hell out of me. In general though, when your first impression is in type and font, men (and ladies) get. it. right.

Frankly, if you are on Tinder, which this includes myself, the obvious point is that we do judge a book by its cover. For Christ's sake, we are swiping left or right based on a 2" x 2" picture, and it may even be a picture of their dog at that.

So, put your best out there, cause we're judging, but always be you.

But be the cute, funny, sexy, handsome man you are, who spells my name write goddammit.  Ok? (Yes, I did that on purpose...who are we kiddin?)