{ 16 } FEELING THE PAIN

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Im spending almost 3 months here cause my dad ask me to help him first at his office before i go to the magazine company in LA.Today i sleep early cause i dont feel really good,i've lost my appetite so i eat less than i used too.Suddenly all I can smell is a weird sense from this pale room.Im laying in a different bed,damn and i can feel the pain from the infusion in my left hand.I take a long look surrounds me,no one here.Moving my hand everywhere looking for my phone.Its 2am,and im in the hospital room.I dont know what happened to me,the only thing that i remembered was.............cold.Its only 5 days before i leave to LA,im gonna start this new life in Hollywood,wow,but im here laying powerless on hospital bed with infusion stuck in my hand.Im not going to questioning about all stuffs that are now happening in my damn life.I dont use my social medias as much as i do before cause im getting tired of all the drama,also dad's office keeps me busy.I just cant see those gossips in twitter,well actually i dont know if its a gossip or not i dont even care.

Its been past months since Cam left for Magcon tour,and the last time i get a text from him was hm 2 months ago,sometimes i text him saying how much i missed him but he took so much time to reply that text while he tweets alot,he only said i missed u too ttyl sorry busy,or not even replying.Sometimes i wonder what happen? why are things changing during time? i kind of losing him.I keep those thoughts to myself because i just dont want to get alot of questions from people.I set my instagram private,although i can see comments and following requests im not bothering it,i accept some tho.I keep seeing tweets that say bad thing about me and cam,they ask me about cam with that new girl i dont know who,about our relationship that i dont know too,still i keep contact with them,actually its only Jacob,LOX,and Shawn that i still texting and keep in touch with.Sometimes i ask LOX about Cam,and that new girl but she seems to cover it up so i just give up.Jacob has been a very very good friend and brother to me,if he has time we facetime each other share about my problems and my thought to him and he give me an extremely good advice,just like he's a pro.

I went to a one of Magcon show 2 days ago,but i dont buy the vip one,actually i didnt get it ahaha.I showed up and queued just like the rest i didnt tell the guys about the coming i just missed Cam so i decided to see him live on tour.I wear my black crop top and a peach high waisted short,with my white tribal backpack and white converse.I queued there under the sun just to have a front row that i didnt get too,i think i was in the 4th row or 5th i dont know its too crowd.Its kinda awkward to get the girls to noticed me eventhough i kept my head low to my phone,they still noticed.So i ended up taking some photos with them,asnwering questions i dont want to answer but i have to so yah.I walked inside with some of them,im sad cause i didnt get to be in the front row but i dont care.I do notice that Jacob has his eyes on me,he look at me and i just smile,Nash,Shawn,Matt and Taylor did noticed me,but i didnt think Cam did,but im sure that they told Cam right after the show or during the show i dont know,and i also dont care anymore,my heart still care tho.After the show,when the vip got their chance to meet them,i sit on a chair infront of the stage,just sit waiting for dad to pick me up i didnt have any plan to meet them there but i dont know,LOX and Jacob walked out the other room to the stage and saw me,they both smile to me,took chairs and set it up beside me so i was in between them.

- 2 DAYS AGO AT MAGCON , FLASHBACK-

LOX : omg bells how are you? *hug me*

Bella : im good,its been quite good since you guys left

Jacob : im sorry sis for everything i hope you recover soon *hug me tight*

Bella : ugh i hope soo no problemm

LOX : i feel bad for you bells,all these dramas i dont have any idea about this

Jacob : that girl,she's Bryant model but she's not as nice as you,you still the best

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