God is Within

The Strongest Prayer

The green tiles reflected the eclipsing light. The empty corridor still echoed the rushing footsteps from a couple of minutes ago. Even the buzzing lights seemed to be quiet. Morning twilight grew.

No responses for communication, the seconds started to freeze. I cried. I had to cry out loud with whispering words.

"God, please forgive me! Let me be the sacrifice, make this newcomer live, please accept me instead of him! I know, I'm not worthy enough to make this offering, I promised and failed You, but, please, please, please, if there is any way to change this, please, I know You can not abandon the laws of the universe, You are omnipotent, You are absolute, You can't. But You can find a way, You are great, I know, You can make it, You, You are the only one who can save his life. He hasn't done anything wrong, I couldn't make myself better, more mature, I tried, but lost the way. I know, I must offer something what is acceptable for both sides... You know, how much I love my children, I can't live without them, and I must protect them. They are the most precious, for me. So, let there be it: in exchange for his life, please, let me go to spirit world instead! I know, I betrayed You, even if I didn't want to. You know my heart, I never meant to hurt You, I know how much you have suffered so long. You trusted me, You gave me new life, and I lived with it, you see me, but I faded on the way. I never left You, just faded... Please, let me die here, even if I never see my newborn son and the children! I know, there is the spirit world and I'm going to hell and nobody will see me here and probably won't be able to see my children to grow up and help them. But one day, all the Creation will revive, and all of us will resurrect, live together, live with you. Then, it will not matter, all the grieving history will joy, eternally. Then, I will see my children, and the missing time will be the past for the everlasting happiness. We can share everything there. Father, please, forgive me! Please, forgive my sins. My laziness I couldn't overcome, my ignorance that I was blind and stubborn selfishly or didn't stand hundred percent, where there is no shadow, I couldn't make it although You helped me. Please, forgive me! I have nothing to offer to You, only my life, and the time with the most beloved ones, my family, it is their sacrifice, too, although, they don't know it, we are strong and united in You. I'm sorry that there was no one to whom You could have prayed for when Your children died and You had to chase them away. I really wanted to grow, mature and look after You one day, to take care of You! I know, I didn't pray enough and lost the fire, I thought more of ourselves than of the World, to be an absolute instrument for You...
Just, please, forgive me, let me die here, now, instead of him. You can make it, You can make a way Father, You are the only one who can make it, only You! I trust You, and I know You couldn't trust me, I failed. And I know, You can't love me in an absolute way, sorry for betraying and abandoning You! You are great, please, save my son's life, let me die in exchange. Look at my heart, Father, You know me, please, look into it...
Dear Heavenly Father, I know You are omnipotent, and You have the greatest heart in the whole Universe. I know you have been in agony ever since. I trust You and accept Your decision, anything it is...
Thank You, my dear Heavenly Father, thank you!
Gamsahamnida, Hananim Aboji, Gamsahamnida!"

The teardrops on the floor reflected the new sunlight. Blood, sweat and tears stained the medical gown. Birds sang. There was silence, then, the next second came...

It is still mysterious, how the most trained specialist appeared in the hospital, and suddenly came to the third floor, like he had a dedicated purpose. It is still mysterious how both my wife and the newborn Noah survived. There hadn't been any sign of any complication earlier, this had been the best pregnancy ever. We were even walking laughingly to the hospital after the water was broken at home. My wife didn't even cry, she had studied what True Parents and Dae Mo Nim taught. I was proud of her. Then everything changed.

We are not masters of life and death, we have no control over it, at all, we never had...

It's been years. Noah is a filial son and a great person of Heavenly Parent. He and his sister often talk about Jesus, that He is with them and they are speaking to each other.

I had lots of strong, dedicated prayers in the years. There are times when it becomes a constant state, whatever I do, even when I talk to somebody, the connection remains and feels like a communication, a conversation with God, our Heavenly Parent.
Then I make mistakes and it goes away, unknown amount of time comes for the next time and it is more and more challenging.

There was one definite moment when I shed blood tears in prayer.

In that moment, I could relate to Jesus, True Parents and through them to Heavenly Parent, like never before.