Suffocating Me

Party

"Cassie, I don't feel comfortable letting you do this in front of me. You promised that you'd stop doing this kind of shit." I looked up at Drew with a cold stare.

"I'm paying you. I don't care about no damn promises I made however long ago." I looked back down at my arm and shoved the needle inside, pushing the contents into my bloodstream. I let it sit there in my arm, feeling the effects instantly, and Drew took it out and put a bandaid over the hole.

"You want me to drive you to Ryan's?" He asked as he cleaned the needle and put it away. I nodded slowly and slumped back in the passenger seat. Everything was moving slow and I felt 1000x better.

He put the car in drive and drove away from the empty parking lot we were sitting in.

He put on the stereo and played music from his phone. I closed my eyes and waited for what it seemed like eternity to get to Ryan's driveway. As soon as the car stopped and felt the car park, I opened my eyes and made eye contact with Drew. He took my sunglasses out of my purse and put them on my face for me.

"Keep those on. You look really fucked up. Call me if you need anything." I grabbed my purse and phone, and stepped out of the car. The warm air hit me and I felt kind of nervous to be here. I walked up to the front door, and turned around to wave goodbye to Drew. He honked and drove away. I turned to the door and sighed.

For a moment I was worried about them finding out what I just did, but then I realized I couldn't care less.

I went to open the door as the door swung open, making me jump.

Ryan stood in the doorway smiling.

"Did I scare you?" He asked laughing. I smiled and nodded. "A little bit."

He motioned me to come inside and I walked in. He hooked arms with me and whispered in my ear. "Why the hell are you wearing those cass?" I shrugged. "Because I want to. Who's all here?" I asked, looking around the house. There was quite a few people here.

He turned me towards him and took off my glasses, making the room look much brighter. "Well you don't look too too bad, but you can still tell. I can tell you're on something just by hearing you talk. Who drove you here?"

I sighed.

"Wow Ry, you're just a psychic tonight aren't you?" I laughed and took my sunglasses back. I put them back on and he rolled his eyes. "Drew."

I nodded and he shook his head. "I should've known."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh stop. So, take me to the drinks." I hooked arms with him again and he guided me to the drinks in the kitchen. "Look who made it!" Ryan yelled and a group of guys turned around. "Hey Cassie." I heard a few say. I was then taken in a hug by one of my friends Leslie.

"Cass! Oh I missed you! You've been ignoring me for two days!" I shrugged. "I've been busy I'm sorry." Ryan handed me a drink and I gladly took it, gulping the whole thing down. I set my cup down and Leslie took my glasses off.

"Why the hell are you wearing the-, oh my god are you fucking high? Who the hell brought you here?!" I groaned. "Oh my fucking God leave me alone." I pushed her out of my way and walked towards the outside porch. I opened the door and slammed it behind me.

I took a deep breath of the summer air and struggled to get my cigarettes out of my purse. I got one out and lit it.

I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to keep it together.

It wasn't easy.

I looked around and I saw Justin sitting on the couch smoking. "Fuck." I yelled and he looked at me. I walked right past him and I sat at the end of the deck on the wooden steps. I heard the door open and Leslie calling my name.

"Goddammit Cassie I can't fucking believe you! You promised all of us that you'd stop doing hard shit!" I stood up and faced her. "Leslie, I want to smoke in fucking peace." I threw my cigarette down and grabbed my sunglasses from her hands. "I knew it was a mistake coming here." Justin stood up next to Leslie. I walked right past them.

I went to the kitchen and Ryan held me by my shoulders. "Are you alright?!" I nodded and grabbed a shot glass off the counter. I drank it down and shook my head. "I knew I shouldn't have came here."

Leslie and Justin walked in and they went straight into the group of people dancing.

I pulled my phone out of my purse and unlocked it.

"What are you doing?" Ryan asked. "Calling Drew to come and get me."

"Cass, you just got here," he took my phone out of my hands. He grabbed a bottle of vodka and motioned me to follow him. I sighed and walked behind him out to the deck. Again. I sat next to him on the couch and put my purse down.

I looked over and he was handing me the bottle. I took it and slowly made it to my mouth and took a shot. I handed it back to him and lit another cigarette.

I started just thinking about what I was doing. Why did I show up in the first place?

All for Justin.

"What did I think I was going to accomplish coming here Ry? I mean, he's better off not seeing me. I don't know why I even let myself sit and talk to Luke, or let him kiss me for that matter. I let it happen."

I sighed and kept smoking.

"It's not your fault he did that; there was no way that you would've known it was gonna happen. Stop blaming yourself. But I don't know what's going on with Justin. He won't even talk to me, or anyone else. He just sits there and looks at me blankly whenever I try and talk to him. One thing I do know though is that he still wants you."

I burned out my cigarette and shook my head. "If he did we wouldn't be this way right now. Can I have my phone back please? I really just want to go home."

"Stay and have some fun. Get drunk and do stupid shit." I shook my head. "I don't really feel like doing that tonight."

"I have drugs." I looked at him and he took another drink. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a Baggie of powder and a joint. He set the bottle on the ground and look my lighter out of my hand and started lighting the end. "I say we smoke this, and then we go inside and make a few lines. We will have fun." I sighed and softly laughed.

"You kill me Ryan." He laughed and blew on the lit end of the joint. "But you love me anyways."

He lifted it up to his mouth and took it in.

* * *

I threw the bottle over the rail and it shattered on the ground. He stumbled over to me and started laughing. "It got all over the place!" I laughed along and we hooked arms and helped each other inside. We stumbled in and made our way to the kitchen. Ed, Ashton, Michael, Justin, and Trey were all taking shots as we walked in.

They looked over at us and Michael started laughing. "You guys smell like straight dank." We both laughed and Ryan took out the Baggie and poured it on the counter. I handed him my license to make lines with.

"Make me one while you're at it." Ed said walking over to me. "Can you even stand Cass?" I laughed and shrugged. "Kind of."

"By the way, what were you on earlier?" I started laughing. "Something good." Ryan handed me the rolled dollar bill and kept sniffling. I held it up to my right side, held my left one closed, and snorted the big line he made for me, all in one breath.

I handed to dollar to Ed and stepped away, stumbling into the fridge and standing there with my eyes closed.

I opened my eyes after a moment and looked around. The sound of the music was fading in and out and everyone seemed to be having a good time. The guys started taking shots and I looked at Justin for a moment.

Ryan was right, he did seem distant.

I shook off the thought and took the shot glass that was handed to me.