Cake, Body, And Caffeine

CHAPTER 20

-CHAPTER 20-

"Just make it sure. You can't be a mistress, goodness."

"Mom!"

Ella's eyes dilated, making a direct eye-contact on her mom. It would be a same thing from her mom's experiences if Ella's speculations are true. She's barely brushing that thought away. "It is only a miracle that someone actually dated me, I would never pick a married man." The mind was full of battling thoughts about the true identity of Theodore.

She already stopped thinking about his relationship status. They're just fuck buddies!

With cash involved.

"Girls nowadays are quite strategic, older men are good tree to climb." Sasha can't help but to be suggestive. She can see how her daughter flushed at their topic. In the pit of awkwardness, Ella can't remain her cool and her weird facial reactions are showing up. She rubbed her twitching eye and tried to focus on heating the oil in the pan.

"Anyways gotta go. Take care, hmm? Imma hang up." The line went dead as her mother rushed to her work.

Lunch ended, and literally there are no things left to do. So far. She decided to declutter her desk or whatever she finds messy in her room. Maybe her body yielded for work. She folded some clothes and dusted off some corners in cabinets, distracting her mind at best. Ella was trying not to ponder on how she had been feeling for the past few weeks. From the transactions on her online bank account, orgasms she reached, positions she did, for not thinking of what's next at all.

She was delighted on the pleasure that she shared with Theo. Maybe it was her mind itching the negative connotations about a woman having a full sexual control. From the start, Ella had been exposed and lived by the narrative of guilt about taking ownership of one's girlhood. Indeed, it was difficult to unlearn that it isn't dirty nor a disgrace. Being fucked and wanting to be fucked is just as valid as having cravings.

Ella likes to think that Theodore is the quintessence of what an adult should be when it comes in sexual intimacy: well-controlled, disciplined, informed, and receptive. Well, at least in being sexual. She had been afraid to adapt how he practiced and how he talked about it. For weeks, he was happy to talk about how he gets tested regularly, what contraceptives are the best, what brands to avoid, what food to intake too keep the stamina good, and what should be an "aftercare" feels like. It feels natural for Theodore to be informative and making it a less of a taboo for what it's worth. It is still early for Ella to call him a feminist, though. Theodore looks to alpha for it.

What am I thinking? The term maybe unfamiliar for her, but it does ring a bell on what he does. Feminism is such a big term to come up with, and for years, it has been a struggle to unpack the topics aligned with it. Well at least for Ella. Feminist understanding was difficult for a girl from a conservative origins.

It was difficult to learn sexual liberation, and it is extra challenging for women. Being fixated and conditioned about preserving one's 'purity' was all just opted for a patriarchal premise from a man wanting a pure and picture-perfect wife. Earlier years in a woman's girlhood, there are little to no chances of avoiding unsolicited encounters from conservatives of telling how to act, what to wear, what to feel, how to act around uncles and other male relatives, what to say and how it should be delivered, and what it takes to be a 'girl'. It would've been easier for her if she wasn't enrolled in a catholic institution at all. Ella can only imagine what could have been if she learned all of these sooner. Or at least fully grasped the whole wisdom of bodily autonomy and independence. Sexual liberation, was all about having the sex, having little to no sex, and doing whatever suits in personal fulfillment.